You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
