I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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