you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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