Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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