Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
