I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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