My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
