im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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