I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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