This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
