Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
