absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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