Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There was a lot of him and a little penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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