Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
