Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your cock deserves a montage
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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