hell yes lets make some ravioli
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I party with great urgency now.
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