Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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