I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
