Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
