you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
