i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize