Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
