Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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