areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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