I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
