Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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