my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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