haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
