i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
