I accidentally had phone sex last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
