White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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