The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
