A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
