You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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