dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
