If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
