our cab driver is having phone sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
