my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
