you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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