The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
