Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
