her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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