You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
