She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
