I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
