I want to make a zoo with you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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