They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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