shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my being single is dangerous.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
