I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
