just tell him i said nine months
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
