At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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