All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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