Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
