I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
