brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
