I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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