Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dignity is for republicans.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
