did you get engaged???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
