a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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