taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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