Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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