apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
