I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
