just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
