I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
