You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
