ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
