I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
