hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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