allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
