New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
