At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
