im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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