i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
